Fat Boy vs. the Cheerleaders Page 17

  “What about you?” I asked.

  “No, you’re all different, but I’m what I look like,” Gore said.

  “I’ve seen you disco dance,” I told her.

  “Oh…yeah. I’m a little different.”

  You know what, Mr. Rodriguez? The world is pretty complicated. We can’t take anything for granted. My goth girlfriend is a great disco dancer and she’s also really good at selling donuts. What other surprises are out there?

  Okay. Gore and I hung out at her place.

  Dad didn’t call me until 10 p.m., after Ms. Feagan left the house. Of course, I didn’t answer. RC III and Kailey picked me up right after he called.

  No, her dad wasn’t around. He was back in the Cities.

  I printed the pop machine break-in instructions from the Internet at Gore’s place. I hoped to take the fall, you know? I didn’t want Kailey or RC III getting in trouble for my war. What do I have to lose? I’d already lost Mom, Dad, Justin, band. Might as well get locked up in juvie. Maybe juvie has a band program and I can practice my shiny trombone in peace.

  It’s true. I do have stuff to lose now. It also occurred to me this morning that the break-in was more Kailey’s war than mine.

  Right before Kailey and RC III showed, Gore ran upstairs and came back with a V for Vendetta mask. You know what I’m talking about?

  Yeah. Guy Fawkes! Right!

  “This is one of my prized possessions from middle school,” Gore said. She handed me the mask. “Wear it well.”

  “Oh, I don’t know,” I said, staring down at it. “I don’t think so.”

  “Please, Gabe. Will you at least try not to get caught? I just found you.”

  “Yeah. I guess,” I said. I guess we knew the break-in was a dumb idea.

  “Good.” She kissed my cheek. She smells great too, sir, like lemonade and fall at the same time. Really different from Kailey’s hair products. She whispered, “See you in an hour.”

  RC III and Kailey pulled into the driveway.

  When I climbed in the car, Kailey said, “What’s that?”

  “Vendetta?” I said.

  “No, dude,” RC III said. “If somehow we get videotaped, they’ll see that mask and think one of your Geeker computer dudes is the thief. No masks. If we get caught, we get caught and we tell the story of why we did it.”

  “Yeah? Why exactly are you doing this?” I asked.

  “Pops always tells me not to get too fond of the benefits of this crap system,” RC III said. “Guess I’m not too fond of the crap system generally.”

  I didn’t know what to say to that, sir. But I liked it. Gave me courage.

  “Okay. Even if I wore a mask, they’d recognize my body,” I said. “No masks. We’ll go naked as the day we were born.”

  “Keep your pants on, man,” RC III giggled.

  We drove through town in silence. Kailey reached over the seat and we sort of shook hands, held hands for a couple seconds.

  RC III dropped Kailey and me off on the street in front of the school. We ran along the dark edge of the parking lot toward the west door—the one RC III’s key opens. Before she opened the door, Kailey turned to me. “Sorry I’ve been a bitch,” she said.

  “No, no…you’re pretty cool,” I said.

  “Uh-huh. Not really. But now I’m with the leader of the rebellion.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Gabe Skywalker,” Kailey said. Then she smiled like she did when we were little kids in her driveway. She looked like that little girl, sir. She looked like my Leia with her blonde cinnamon bun hair.

  No, she didn’t have cinnamon bun hair. I could just see it. Picture what it was. The moon lit up her amazing face. She reached up and touched my cheek. She nodded. She swallowed really hard. She said, “I’m really sorry I went to the dark side.”

  “I did too, just in a different way,” I said. “Are you ready for this?”

  She blinked. Turned. Pulled RC III’s key out of her pocket, stuck it in the lock, and we were in.

  We cruised up over the gym through the weight room. Then down the side stairs and out the door that opens into the cafeteria. The only light came from the machine, sir. It cast a bright halo around itself. We slowed and shuffled around the edge of the tables in the dark. We got to the machine. Kailey popped this bike lock–style key into it, turned it, and the front panel came open. Then she plugged a code into a little keyboard. We were Luke and Leia opening a security door in the Death Star. The machine released with this suctioned sigh and the interior door opened.

  “Shit,” I said. “We did it.”

  “Yeah, we did,” Kailey whispered.

  Of course, we’re stupid as hell. We didn’t have a bag to put the money in. Luckily, the change box only contained sixteen quarters.

  Yeah, great luck, huh?

  There were fourteen dollar bills in the dollar box.

  “Oh, my God. Was this machine already robbed?” Kailey said. “This is my machine to rob! There’s nothing here.”

  “It’s okay,” I said. “Just being in here means a lot. This is cool.”

  “Screw this machine,” Kailey said. She kicked it.

  “Yeah,” I said. I took two steps back and then kicked it hard.

  Didn’t do crap. The thing is built like an armored truck.

  “Let’s go,” Kailey said. She left the pop machine’s door open and walked fast back toward the stairs to the weight room.

  “Don’t you want to lock it back up?” I called after her.

  “No,” she shouted.

  So I followed. I could barely keep up. Girl is light on her feet. Kailey was also significantly pissed, Mr. R., which is why I realized she’s fighting her own war.

  When we got out to the car, she gulped for air. Her eyes looked like bullets in the moonlight. I climbed in back. Kailey climbed into the front seat. She looked at RC III and talked fast. “They aren’t supposed to empty machines this time of the month. Somebody already took the money.”

  “I’m sure your dad had it emptied.”

  “No!” Kailey shouted. “Couldn’t happen.”

  “There wasn’t anything?” RC III asked.

  “Eighteen bucks,” I said. “It’s the gesture that counts though. That you guys would do this is huge. It’s awesome. We’re all good.”

  “No, we’re not good,” Kailey whispered. “I’m not good.” She sighed really hard.

  I actually felt relieved that we didn’t get a felony haul, you know?

  RC III drove across town. As we neared the Cub parking lot, Kailey turned around in her seat and said, “Can I call you tomorrow? Can we talk? Do you want to hang out?”

  “I’m grounded. Bad,” I said. “Maybe forever.”

  “After that, we can hang out?” Kailey said. “Me, you, RC III, and Chandra?”

  “Yeah. Yeah,” I nodded. “Definitely.”

  “Hey, you guys, we’re there. Gabe, get ready to get out,” RC III said.

  RC III pulled into the back of the parking lot, slowed down. Kailey said, “I’m serious. You’re Gabe Skywalker.”

  I nodded. I smiled. I gave the thumbs-up. I climbed out.

  I watched RC III and Kailey pull away.

  The quarters jingled in my stretchy pants pocket. The fourteen dollars were crumpled in my hand. Gore wouldn’t be around to get me for twenty minutes. I walked down one of the parking lot rows toward the front door of Cub. Thought I’d get a vitamin water, maybe a banana. Maybe buy a good-bye gift for Mr. Shaver? Cigarettes? Ha-ha! I thought about Kailey wanting to hang out. I thought about how two weeks earlier, I was an ass-dancing fool. I thought about how strong my legs felt after working out for a week. I thought about how maybe I really was Gabe Skywalker, leader of the rebellion!

  And then the small-town Minnekota bullshit.

  A c
ar rolled up from behind, slow. I looked over my right shoulder. Seth Sellers had his window down. He had a black eye from the Geeker beating. “Hey there, fudge balls,” he said. “Nice to see you, man.”

  “Oh, shit,” I whispered. My heart accelerated.

  I leaned forward. Justin was in the passenger seat. He stared straight forward. Janessa and Emily Yu were in the backseat. Janessa glared at me, her middle finger extended.

  “Back at you, Janessa,” I said.

  “We’d like to talk to you about the fake beaver shots you’re making,” Seth said.

  “Yeah, you fat-ass dick,” Janessa hissed.

  “I already apologized to Janessa and I didn’t make those pics,” I said. “Anyway, I’m here for groceries, not talk.”

  I sped up. I just had to make it into the store. Seth wouldn’t chase me in there. The car moved as fast as me, of course, so I took off. I ran. Without Grandpa’s workouts, I couldn’t run like that. I cut between cars and heard Seth’s car roar and his tires squeal. I just had to cross the strip right in front of the store and I’d be in. I heard Seth’s car skid to a halt.

  Somebody yelled, “Gabe Johnson. Stop where you are. Stop running.”

  I looked to my left. Officer Rex McCoy slid off the back of his cop car. He was holding a donut. I shit you not. I turned to my right and ran like hell. RC III and Kailey were close by. I needed to give them time to get away! As I ran, I looked over my shoulder. Officer McCoy, who is fatter than me, was giving chase. You can do this! I thought. I turned on my afterburners, which don’t really work that well. Then I heard faster footsteps. I looked again. Seth Sellers was chasing me. He was closing fast. And Justin was right behind him. Oh, shit! I shot past the liquor store and down the strip mall strip. I got in front of the dry cleaner, almost to Subway, before Seth caught me. He jumped on my back and knocked me forward. One of the sixteen quarters shot out of my pocket and rolled in front of me right as my face bounced on the pavement. I screamed. Seth grabbed my arm and wrenched it around my back. “You fat pussy!” he shouted. “You want to mess with me?”

  I didn’t think twice, just rolled with all my might. Seth crashed over to my left. I balled up my fistful of fourteen bucks, pulled it back into mammoth punching position, said, “You’re a waste of space!”

  Just then, Justin jumped on top of Seth and pinned him down hard. “Run, Gabe!” he yelled.

  “What are you doing?” Seth screamed.

  Justin’s pretty strong, I guess. I pushed myself up onto my feet but paused so I could watch Seth wriggle under Justin Cornell’s superior strength because it was awesome to see. Justin smiled at me and I wanted to high-five him because damn, I really do love him!

  “Go!” Justin shouted.

  Just then, Officer McCoy crashed into me.

  That’s how I scraped my legs. McCoy’s knees crushed into my calves. I’ve never felt pain like that, sir. I screamed so loud.

  McCoy sounded like he was going to die he was breathing so hard. “What in the hell is going on here?” He pushed his weight on top of me, smashing me. My chest, belly, and elbow scrapes from climbing out the basement window slid on the concrete.

  “Ah!” I cried. Then I thought of RC III and Kailey. “I stole the money! I stole the money! Here!” I stretched my arm up. I uncurled my fingers. The fourteen dollars from the machine fell out of my hand.

  “You stole what?” McCoy shouted.

  “The money!” I shouted.

  McCoy stayed on top of me. He spoke into his little radio on his shoulder. “Send a couple cars down to Cub. We got ourselves a little Spunk River ruckus going on. Gabe Johnson. Seth Sellers. Apprehended both.”

  With that, Seth ripped himself away from Justin and took off running.

  “Assailant in flight!” McCoy cried. “Seth Sellers fleeing!”

  They got him? Good. Ass wipe.

  Janessa got a disorderly conduct? Whoa. She’s mean, dude. I wouldn’t want to try cuffing her.

  Yeah, McCoy was looking for me. Not because of the pop machine. Dad realized I’d escaped when Ms. Feagan showed up. Dad didn’t even try to find me himself. Grandpa told me this morning he couldn’t stop Dad. Dad called the cops. They were all looking for me because of Dad. In the car, Officer McCoy said, “Nobody cares about your fourteen-dollar theft.” He’s an idiot, man. A theft is a theft. Cops cared about the theft this morning, didn’t they? They were crazy about it. They tried to get me to admit to robbing a bunch of machines!

  What? Are you kidding? What the hell?

  Thirteen thousand dollars? From pop machines? Last night? How?

  Yeah. J. D. Carlson is Kailey’s cousin. He’s a huge meth-head dirtbag though. Not a good guy.

  She…she was really pissed that there wasn’t money in the machine we robbed. I don’t think she’d help J. D. Do you guys think Kailey took all that money?

  No, I didn’t notice us being surveilled at Fort Neillsen. Is that why Gore and RC III were picked up this morning? Kailey was being watched?

  Oh, Kailey. Oh, crap. Is she going to be put away? Like big time?

  Of course. Kailey works for the business. She runs the Kaus pop stands at Jaycees events and crap. Does that mean it’s not a crime for her to empty the machines?

  Up to her dad, huh? I don’t really know him. When will he be here again?

  What’s that paper?

  It’s for me? From Kailey? Let me see it!

  Ha. Wow. She says, “Use the Force, Gabe.”

  Can you get something back to her?

  The Force runs strong in our family.

  Yes, sir. Thanks, Mr. Rodriguez.

  Yeah, I’m in total shock. I had no idea. I’m—

  Yes. Seriously. Why have you been laughing all day, Mr. R.? Tell me something funny. I need it bad. Tell me your funny story.

  They were making out? On stage at school? This morning? Justin and Camille? A flock of sheep? What?

  Two sheep. That’s plenty. That’s about what would fit in Justin’s car.

  Arrested? Are they okay?

  I’m so glad. I’ll clean the sheep poop myself if Deevers just forgets about this part. Wow.

  Yeah! Yeah! That’s hilarious! I figured right away they had to be Camille’s sheep. I just couldn’t for a second figure out how they got in the school. Of course, Justin has a key. Student council officers get keys. Why did they do it?

  Whoa. That’s one badass protest. Geekers won’t be sheep. Pretty sweet. I shouldn’t have been hard on them. I love those guys.

  Balls. This has been the craziest few days ever, right? Nothing’s ever going to be the same again.

  It’s all so crazy, man.

  Mr. Rodriguez?

  Am I ever going to be able to go home?

  No, I don’t want to see Dad. I just want to go to bed. In my bed.

  Seriously. Seriously. Please. I want to go home, sir.

  When will Mr. Kaus be here?

  CHAPTER 28

  THREE DAYS LATER, WEDNESDAY, JUNE 19, 2:30 P.M.

  FINAL INTERVIEW CONDUCTED AT BITTERROOT COFFEE SHOP, MINNEKOTA, MN.

  I don’t mind if you record this, Mr. Rodriguez. You’ve been really cool. Really good to us. All you guys. Thanks.

  Yeah, I’m grounded! Grandpa is trying to stay hidden, but he’s over there at that table by the window, keeping an eye on me. Yeah, hi, Grandpa. He’s pretending to read.

  I get it. I stayed out all night one night and then broke out of being grounded the next night and got arrested for robbing a pop machine. That’s some highly groundable business.

  Dad’s okay. He’s letting me go to work. I really have to go because RC III’s dad sent him to Georgia to work construction with his uncle for the rest of the summer. He’ll be back in the fall. His dad actually likes it here apparently. I already miss him.

  Dante need
s workers. You know anybody?

  Well, I’m experiencing my fifteen minutes of fame. I think Dad’s sort of proud of me.

  Did you see that headline? Front page of the Fargo paper, right? “Fat Boy vs. the Cheerleaders.” The Star Tribune from Minneapolis is a little more politically correct. “Minnekota Student Confronts Corrupt School Board.”

  I like the fat boy headline better. It’s funnier. The article got picked up by all kinds of news services because of that headline. The reporter from the Fargo paper let me talk about our pop research from health class too. I got to mention poor kids who don’t have breakfast and suck down the poison to stay awake. So “fat boy” works, sir. Better laugh than cry in this case because fat boy is a sexy headline. And sexy sells, gets the story out there.

  That’s what Gore tells me anyway.

  She’s right. Dad’s been taking calls from TV stations all day today. They all want to talk to the fat boy. Ha-ha.

  I shit you not, Mr. R.

  No, none of this would’ve happened, except for Randall Andersson. Because Ms. Feagan was his favorite teacher, Randall and Ms. Feagan went out for dinner on Saturday night (while I was escaping through the tiny window). Feagan had already spent Saturday winding up all the old ladies in town about the band. At dinner, Randall said he planned to bring me on stage during Sunday’s Wall of Sound Spunk River concert. He said he’d make a huge stink about the band trouble in front of everybody. He told Feagan he wanted me to give a speech.

  That’s why Ms. Feagan showed up at my house on Saturday night. She came by to prep me. Of course, by that time I was just about to climb in RC III’s car so that me and Kailey could do the dirty deed. Dad looked for me all over the house. Then he called the cops. He was out of his mind apparently.

  While I was spending my day with you at the police station, Randall and Ms. Feagan visited Dad at the house to tell him that even though robbing the machine was stupid, I was right to rebel generally. Randall convinced Dad to bring me to the concert if I got out of jail in time.

  That was one of the calls you took? From Dad?

  Okay.

  After Kailey’s parents set us all free (did you see Mrs. Kaus? She looked like she’d been run over by a truck), Dad and Grandpa drove me straight to Spunk River Days. I was not expecting that and I wasn’t very happy about it. I hadn’t slept and my body scrapes were all burning up and my stretchy pants were sliding down my butt because I didn’t eat almost anything for like 30 hours and I’d already been dropping weight before that. I was all like, “No! I don’t want to go! Take me home! Lock me in the basement, please!”